


The Physician

by shipping_ruined_my_life



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Falling In Love, Flirting, Gen, Herbalism, M/M, Magic, Magic Revealed, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Sexual Tension, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-01-23 12:54:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18550168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipping_ruined_my_life/pseuds/shipping_ruined_my_life
Summary: Merlin does not become Arthur's servant. Instead he begins to learn about medicines from Gaius. Herb lore galore and other shenanigans.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ok so I just kind of had the idea of what if merlin hadn't saved arthur like what would he be up to? obvs he'd go looking for work because he needs money but with his choices at the beginning of the series what could he have done? I just figured he'd learn some medicine or smth idk i like the idea. I also like herbs a whole lot and i know stuff so i figured i'd give it a try.

When Merlin was sent away from Ealdor he had no idea what he was going to do, save from living with Gaius and get better control over his magic. There was no other plan. He did not anticipate running into Prince Prat and his ability to hold his tongue was not ideal.

After the brief fight (if it could be called that) he was on his way to Gaius'.

The old man had not anticipated his arrival but he was glad to welcome him into his home. Merlin felt like he could trust this man and he did his best to help him out as soon as he could. Chores soon piled up and he carried out potions everywhere and delivered instructions for various nobles. He quickly got into the routine of waking early to help Gaius pick herbs, make medicines of various sorts, running errands and of course, running into Prince Prat. It was hard not to even if the castle was large.

Arthur was no mystery to Merlin. He was an arrogant bully and he had a way of demanding the presence wherever he went. It was not only luck but some skill on Merlin's part that he managed to avoid him many times, but sometimes the inevitable happened.

"Watch where you're going." said Arthur roughly as Merlin hadn't managed to swerve around the prince in the narrow hallway. They collided despite their best efforts to work against gravity and time. They lost and the potions Merlin was carrying scattered on the floor. Luckily the glass was very thick but it still filled him with a surge of anxiety. They took a long time to make and Gaius was expecting him to carry them shortly.

"I'm sorry!" said Merlin. "How could I know you would occupy the entire hallway by yourself?" Merlin grumbled irritated as he picked up the tiny labeled bottles. They had rolled quite a way so he squatted and tried to pick them up quickly.

"You can't talk to me like that." Said Arthur disbelievingly. He had never met someone who wouldn't bow at his feet or show him the deference he was accustomed to "I am a prince and you should show me respect."

"Yeah?" said Merlin "And what have you done to deserve it? You only make me drop all things because you come barreling through here with no regard to others." The nerve of him! How could he expect people to respect him if he showed no regard for others? This was as much his fault, Merlin thought.

"This behavior is unacceptable." Argued Arthur angrily and grabbed him by the arm. Not enough to bruise but enough that his arm hurt. Merlin thought it was intentional, or at least it wouldn't surprise him if it was. "You're coming with me."

"Let go" said Merlin angrily as he struggled with keeping his arms full of bottles as well as being dragged through the corridors. "I have to deliver these or people could die."

"What?" Arthur glanced annoyed at the tiny potions. "Where are you taking them?"

"These are regular potions to be taken at regular times." Said Merlin stubbornly. "You can do what you want with me later but these will be delivered." His tone allowed no argument and he shook loose from Arthurs grip.

He started to walk down the hallway and Arthur could do nothing but follow him. He would not run though. But if he walked faster than usual no one commented.

"I really need to deliver these." Said Merlin abruptly. Perhaps if he was rude enough he would stop trailing after him. Of course he had no such luck but one could always hope.

"You are by far the most annoying person I ever met." Said Arthur but he followed Merlin regardless.

"What, you don't trust me to do my job?" asked Merlin sourly over his shoulder. He had enough to do without his Royal Arse following him around.

"Of course not. You're rude and clumsy and I wouldn't be surprised if you tried to flee your punishment." Arthur said, offended by Merlin's actions and the callout. Also how could he expect him to show up later for a punishment, no one sane would do so? He couldn't give him time to run away and he couldn't exactly just ignore the people in need of help either.

"I'm no coward you idiot." Said Merlin. "And you don't have to follow me. This will only take about half an hour, I'll meet you at the stocks. "

"You-" Arthur started to protest but was at loss for words. He decided to let his frustration stew under the surface and he let Merlin know it.

They went about their business in silence, but Merlin caught Arthur glaring at him more than once. No wonder considering the circumstances but annoying nonetheless. And people stared when he was in the company of the crown prince, to which the prince seemed unbothered.

He managed to ignore his shadow as much as possible as they visited some people in the castle to drop off headache potions and blood thinners to some elderly. After that they went downtown and made a few house calls. They were welcomed wherever they went although the attention made Merlin's skin crawl.

"You really are practicing to be a physician then?" asked Arthur after a while. He had deduced as much but felt the need to strike up some sort of conversation.

"Yep." Answered Merlin. "For about two weeks. I really don't know much yet, but Gaius says I show promise."

"I can scarcely believe it" muttered Arthur. After the rounds were finished Merlin made his way up to the courtyard. He suddenly stopped and looked at Arthur.

"What?" asked Arthur.

"Come on, you can't expect me to shackle myself now, can you?" Merlin said annoyed.

"Right, of course." Said Arthur and as he put Merlin in the stocks he felt a bit awkward. What kind of person willingly went to the stocks? Well, he wasn't about to complain. Merlin had been very disrespectful and if Arthur was really honest he found him to be quite resilient to his manners. However. He wasn't about to complain.

"See you later." Arthur called out and went about his business. The crowd of children laughing and throwing scraps of vegetables being the last he heard of Merlin for the day.

The next day Gaius had reprimanded Merlin and once again tried to remind him that he was but a peasant. The prince might have his fault but it was not Merlin's place to call them out.

Merlin grumbled and went on studying. Well, if he studied magic as well as herb lore Gaius wouldn't be the wiser. Or he would, but that was a future problem.

Gaius was later called to court as an advisor and Merlin followed, seeing as he was an apprentice. He duly promised to say nothing in the presence of court and the King, but found it difficult seeing as he had many opinions and Arthur was a royal prat wherever he went. It required some extra attention but he managed. He only whispered some questions to Gaius when he felt lost but he didn't interrupt anyone. This time at least.

On the way out Arthur approached him "I didn't believe you could actually hold your tongue." He said in a low voice. "Perhaps I ought to throw you in the stocks more often, hmm?"

"Oh please, what does that have to do with anything?" Merlin easily rebuked. "I promised Gaius to behave today, he was rather cross with me yesterday."

"Rightly so." Arthur went with him into a side corridor away from people. "You should really consider your words at times." He glanced at Merlin's defiant face, and whispered "You could hurt someone's feelings."

"As should you," Answered Merlin and walked off. He turned around a moment and snidely added "My Lord." And then he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Arthur gets some help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> adding some drama lol just couldn't help myself
> 
> next chapter they're gonna get to know each other a bit more

The next day brought no relief for Merlin.

Gaius had had him read up on common herbs that were used in basic potions. He had to learn its Latin name, the common name, what they were used for, how they looked, which ones were easy to confuse them with. Which part of the herb was used for which cause. Some potions required only the root. Some had poison leaves but the flowers were very potent. Some were a bit of both. On and on and on.

When Gaius felt he had no more room in his head for new herbs he decided Merlin was better off collecting them. To make it stick, he said. Merlin thought he just wanted his stores replenished.

He was up collecting herbs in the woods nearby as he heard a commotion. A group of three were obviously waiting to ambush someone, and it just so happened that Arthur was ignorantly strolling by.

Merlin waited to see what would happen but Arthur tried to defend himself admirably. The only problem was that three opponents were a hassle and no matter how great he was in a spar not even he could take three on one. Especially not when the woods made the undergrowth a trap of ensnarement and the branches limited his movements. He was unfortunately struck in the head.

Merlin decided to intervene when he was certain the others were trying to actually kidnap the Prince of Camelot and he ambushed them with magic from behind a tree. They flew into wooden trunks no too gently and he quickly placed them under a sleeping spell. They would not wake until evening at least.

Armed with this certainty he quickly left the place with Arthur in a tow and went to a nearby stream. And if he made Arthur a bit lighter for his convenience that was his business.

Arthur woke some time later and looked around confused. “Merlin?” he said, recognizing the man. “What are you doing?”

“Saving your royal arse.” Said Merlin without blinking. “Now hold still, your head is damaged.”

He went about tenderly applying a thick mixture of herbs to the Prince’s head wound. “This will help with the swelling and make sure it doesn’t get infected.” He explained calmly. The best way to remember the herbs were to use them, Gaius’s voice echoes in his thoughts. “You should rest for a while more before we go back to Camelot.”

“Where are the bandits?” Arthur asked. All he remembered was them advancing and then getting hit in the head.

“Taken care of. Some knights were patrolling nearby and the attackers scared off easily. They didn’t have enough cover to hide so they just ran. The knights never noticed anything out of order, but I couldn’t get their attention.” He explained easily. If he didn’t know the knights and they hadn’t noticed him, Arthur couldn’t cross check his story. He wouldn’t believe Merlin had saved him anyway.

“Did you see who attacked me?” he asked and tried to sit up. He quickly fell back when his head started spinning.

“Sit down before you hurt yourself.” Demanded Merlin, not uncaringly. “I just told you to rest a bit. And no, I didn’t see them. They wore cloaks and never showed their faces to me. Besides they were down on the road. You should know however, since you actually fought them.”

“Well excuse me if my memory doesn’t serve me well right now.” Said Arthur defensively. It wasn’t his fault he had difficulties recalling the scene. It had happened so fast anyway.

“Rest for a bit. I’ll go collect some more herbs, but I’ll be nearby.” He reassured him with a quick pat on the shoulder.

Merlin took his basket and went to the other side of the clearing, picking some valerian roots and wild calendula. He found some other herbs he recognized had healing properties. He tried to recite their proprietaries from memory in order to use his time effectively. It was what he was there for anyway. He kept a close eye on Arthur to see if he tried to move about too much, but he sat silently just watching Merlin. Oh well, he couldn’t blame him. There wasn’t much else to look at.

After an hour or so he had collected more than enough flowers, roots, and herbs. He decided now was as good a time as any to return the prince to Camelot. He was certain Arthur had had time to catch his breath as well, and rest up as needed.

“It’s time to get up.” He said and expectantly held out a hand towards Arthur.

Arthur grabbed his hand and it took a moment for him to steady himself. He was about to take off the green pasture off his wound when Merlin told him that it was better to leave it on. Who could have thought that an apprentice physician could be so bossy? Arthur grumbled about being seen in public with grass on his head but Merlin insisted the herbs were doing him good. Maybe they’d even reduce his big head?

They walked slowly because Arthur had to steady himself on Merlin. Merlin didn’t mind so much.

“As long as I don’t have to carry you we should be fine.” He said. “You look like you’re quite heavy.”

“Are you calling me fat?” Arthur yelled moodily. “How dare you! I should have you in the stocks for even thinking it.”

“If you want me in the stocks for that you’ll have to walk the whole way back by yourself” said Merlin readily. “Or I could just leave you here.”

“You will do no such thing.” Said Arthur and grasped Merlin’s arm a bit tighter, both as a warning and because he needed the support.

“Of course not.” Said Merlin offended. “I am studying the art of healing. If there is one thing to be clear about it is to aid those who need it, without judgement” He added pointedly. In one of the many books he had stumbled upon a Greek named Hippocrates. When he asked Gaius about him he had received a long lecture as well as more reading material. This was serious business. Ethics.

Arthur smiled a bit at that, and they went quietly for a while. The sun was warm, the woods smelled just right and the company wasn’t so bad after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a bit longer but i hope you enjoy. it was fun to write :)

When they returned to the castle Arthur tried to make Merlin take him to his chambers, but Merlin refused, claiming that Gaius should have a look at his head as well. As if it could be more swollen.

“I have only just begun my training.” Said Merlin stubbornly. “I don’t care if you feel fine, I will get Gaius’ opinion on this. You’re the crown Prince, as you like to remind me.”

They managed to get all the way to Gaius’ office without trouble, save for the occasional stare and whisper, but found the man nowhere. Merlin gestured for Arthur to sit down before he started to unload the heaps of herbs he had gathered. Some went to dry hanging from the ceiling in clutches so they could dry for later. Others were put in new tinctures to draw out their proprieties. Arthur watched silently for a while before he resigned himself to a nap. Gaius would be here eventually and Merlin wouldn’t let him leave. He had already given in due to the many arguments he had lost. Even if those arguments were composed of “leave me alone” and variations of “I don’t want to.”

It was probably a good idea to have a trained physician attend to him anyways. Not that he thought Merlin could be that good, he had only been in Camelot for a couple of weeks.

He woke from his slumber some time later when he heard the door creak.

“Merlin?” asked Gaius confused. “What happened to Prince Arthur?”

Merlin looked up from his herbs and glanced at Arthur who was now awake. He left the workbench and the already sorted heaps of greenery.

“Some people tried to kidnap him. They hit him in the head pretty hard. I put a mixture of fresh herbs on it to reduce swelling, and he hasn’t been vomiting or delirious. He should be fine but I wanted you to look at it.”

“Has he been asleep?” asked Gaius and examined Arthur’s eyes. They were focused.

“He has rested to and from, but no longer than ten minutes at a time. I’ve been keeping track in case he was concussed. I don’t think he is though.”

“Good, good.” Gaius mumbled and examined the mixture still sticking to Arthur’s head. “I see you found the St John’s wort.” He poked his finger carefully in the mixture and sniffed his fingertips. “And teazle-head seeds.”

Merlin waited with anticipation as Gaius identified two more herbs, and Arthur looked at them both with interest.

“Good work, Merlin. And quick thinking.” Gaius praised him. “I don’t believe he is concussed but I see you have taken every precaution in case he were, with the supplies you had.”

Merlin practically glowed with the praise and Arthur was reminded that he was not only a stubborn and rude peasant, but he was actually a person with feelings. Looking at how happy he was melted something in his chest, and he immediately tried to quell the sudden emotion. He was ready to get out of the room.

“Well then, seeing as there’s nothing wrong with me, I should get about my day.” Arthur declared and made to rise from the hard bed. He was stopped by the discerning glare from Gaius.

“Young man, this is no joking matter. Just because you do not have a concussion I can’t possibly let you go without supervision. Merlin will take care of you today. He has certainly proved himself useful, and dedicated to the art of healing. I trust he will be able to notice if things gets worse.”

My day just got worse, thought Merlin but he didn’t voice it. He was quick to protest though. “What about my duties, Gaius? You had a whole list of things for me today.” He said pleadingly. He was certain he had done his duty to Arthur and was quick to try and get rid of him. Gaius was very well aware that he had promised Merlin some magical training after the mornings activities, and Merlin was eager to learn. However, it would have to wait.

“Merlin.” Said Gaius sternly. His eyebrow looked particularly disapproving. He waited a moment to see if Merlin would oppose him but he just sighed and resigned to his fate.

“Alright, alright.” He sighed at the missed opportunity. “He should be on bedrest, don’t you think?” he asked Gaius hopefully.

The eyebrow looked even more disapproving as he tried to shirk his duties once again. “Merlin.” He said, once again, and Merlin could not argue with such a compelling argument.

Gaius huffed and searched in the cabinets for a particular potion. “Here, drink this.” He said to Arthur. “It’s for the headache you undoubtedly have.”

Arthur looked hesitant, knowing it would taste horrid. He sucked it up though and downed it in one go. Being prepared for the taste was one thing and actually tasting it was another. He couldn’t help but grimace at the harshness.

“What is in it!” he exclaimed, disgust apparent in his voice.

“Mostly betony, calendula, and queen of the meadow. The last one is to blame for the taste, I’m afraid, but it will mellow the pain, sire.”

“Thank you for the care, Gaius. Merlin, let’s go. I have things to attend. “

“Don’t treat me like a servant, I do not work for you.” Said Merlin defiantly.

“You do work for me, however” said Gaius briskly. “Now off you go.” He shooed them out of the workroom and they found themselves on the way to Arthur’s chambers instead.

Once inside Arthur went to his desk to catch up with some paperwork. Merlin looked around the chambers a bit. He was fascinated with the fine fabrics that covered the bed, and the various luxury items he saw. Like the bath. He had never had a bath in his life. He had to contend with a rag and a bowl of water like most peasants.

Arthur allowed his curiosity for a while but soon grew irritated. He could not focus on work and Merlin at the same time. The pacing was driving him nuts.

“Don’t you have something better to do?” he asked after a while.

“Like what?” asked Merlin confusedly? “My duty is just to watch for any signs of the injury getting worse, or you overexerting yourself too soon. I literally have nothing better to do.”

Merlin was too nervous to sit down anywhere however. There was only one chair left and it was across from Arthur. He probably wasn’t supposed to look at state affairs anyway, and he didn’t like the temptation.

He said as much to Arthur when he questioned his decision to remain standing. Arthur could barely believe him to be literate however, which in turn irritated Merlin again. It was just unfair. He had learnt how to read from an early age. While he was aware that most of the lowborn citizens were unable to do so he felt wrong being lumped with them. He was a physician in training. That would require someone to read books, surely? His pride was a bit wounded but he had heard worse in his lifetime. Arthur probably wasn’t even aware of his micro aggression. Mostly because he couldn’t hear Merlin’s many thoughts.

“You can’t just stand there” said Arthur with a wave of his hand “Make yourself useful.”

“What do you want me to do? I can’t leave your company.”

“You can leave if you want to, don’t let me keep you.” Said Arthur airily. “I’m sure you have things you do in your spare time.”

“You did see the look Gaius gave me though.” Merlin said with a small smile. “He was quite serious, I’m afraid. With the eyebrow you know? Like this.” He tried to copy the impression but failed miserably. He decided to use his finger to extend his eyebrow as far up as possible and suddenly Arthur couldn’t keep it in, a small bubbly laugh escaped.

Dropping the impression Merlin started laughing too. They both couldn’t believe the other. Merlin for making the impression and Arthur for finding comedic value in something as basic as making funny faces. It wasn’t funny. It was hysterical. “You should have seen your face.” Said Arthur. “You looked like you- like you” gasping for air he couldn’t finish the sentence. He tried to copy Merlin’s face but started laughing again.

“He’s usually quite forgiving, but he was so serious. “ Merlin lamented humorously.

“Merlin” Arthur said, sternly imitating Gaius. Another attack of the giggles and they were both out of breath. Perhaps Merlin wasn’t so bad company after all.

“Seeing as I can’t get rid of you” he said pointedly after the laughs had ceased, “You can have your pick at the bookshelf. There’s some interesting tomes, I’m sure you’re an avid reader.”

Merlin lit up with excitement. He could scarcely imagine what treasured books the crown prince of Camelot could have in his private collection. For a moment he even forgot how irritating Arthur could be. It was almost a nice moment.

“Really?” he asked.

“If you’d rather bore yourself to death you are more than welcome.” Stated Arthur and went back to his own reading.

Merlin smiled and started browsing the titles of the bookshelves. To his disappointment he found mostly boring titles. The art of swordsmanship, the noble houses of Camelot, diplomacy, law books, arithmancy, military advantages, a guide to the knights’ code, table etiquettes… He had absolutely nothing to read for pleasure. No adventurous tales of knights and monsters. No heartbreaking tales of romance. Not even poetry.

“Is it just me or does this explain your lack of personality?” asked Merlin drily.

“Excuse me?” said Arthur as he looked up from the reports on his desk.

“You’re excused.” Said Merlin cheekily. “I’ll lend you something worth reading when I get to it. This is an atrocity.”

“These books are important to read.” said Arthur with an upset voice. “These hold valuable information, and as a Prince-“

Merlin held up a hand to stop him.

“I did not contest the contents. But you should really have a wider range of books. Did no one encourage you to read for fun?”

Arthur looked lost for words. He had hit a bit too close to home, Merlin noticed suddenly.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with seeking knowledge!” he exclaimed and found himself babbling. “I find it most admirable. The dedication shows you will make informed choices and rule fairly.” He tried to sweeten his words to lessen his previous statement, but Arthur would have none of it. The candid mood was disrupted and neither wanted to just brush it off.

Merlin saw what his words had done, and suddenly he felt very awkward. He knew he could not possibly imagine the amount of books and education that went into being a future ruler of the kingdom. Especially since he had seen Uther’s cold calculating gaze more than once. What did he know of Arthur’s pressure and demands? How could he so brazenly judge him without knowing more than a handful of interactions?

He drew a deep breath. “I’m sorry.” He said sincerely. “Truly. I did not intend to insult your collection, nor your feelings on the matter.”

Arthur could see Merlin squirming under his gaze, and found he could not truly be angry with him. After a moment of contemplation he replied. “I believe that is the first time you are truly apologizing to me for being rude. I shall consider it a step in the right direction.”

Merlin did had difficulty knowing if he had been forgiven or not, and waited a moment to see what his next move should be.

“You can have your pick” he said lazily, “you might even learn something.”

And that was that.

Merlin read up on his knowledge of Camelot’s laws, since he was living there now he figured it couldn’t hurt. He absentmindedly flipped through the book and looked for difference to the laws of Cedric’s kingdom. Arthur spent an hour or two going through various reports, and they shared a companionable silence.

It was broken by Merlin’s stomach growling. It abruptly filled the otherwise silent room, and Merlin felt himself blush. Arthur looked at him silently.

“When was the last time you ate?” he asked.

“Well, I had breakfast this morning.” Answered Merlin truly. “I don’t usually eat anything during the midday. Gaius and I eat in the evenings. It’s no problem.”

Arthur looked aghast. “That cannot be healthy.” He exclaimed. He had never gone a day without three meals a day and fruit readily available in his chambers. Then again he followed a strict training regime when he was uninjured, and he needed to refill his energy more often.

“I shall send for some food, it is almost time for lunch anyway.” He decided, ignoring Merlin’s protests. Apparently he didn’t want to impose. Arthur laughed to himself. Merlin had imposed the whole day, but he could not find that he minded that much, aside from his head injury which was the reason for almost everything.

Arthur called for a guard to inform the closest servant to bring lunch for two, and soon enough they were served at the table.

“Thanks” Merlin said to the servant. He looked shocked serve a peasant boy in the princes own chambers but glad nonetheless. He stammered out a reply before hastily excusing himself from the chambers, leaving the pitcher of wine on the table.

They broke their bread and gladly shared the meat between them. Merlin had scarcely dreamt of the palace kitchens, only felt an occasional smell from them. It truly was fit for a king.

“You sure know your way to a man’s heart.” He admitted after they had dined. He leaned back in the chair, content and fuller than he had been in months. “You might not even be as much of a prat as I first thought.”

“I shall take that in the spirit it was intended.” Arthur said diplomatically and smiled slyly. He could not understand why he let Merlin get away with such blatant disrespect, but he found he didn’t care as much anymore. He found it intriguing. Perhaps it was because he treated him like a real person, not just the prince. He disregarded his status completely. It was certainly a new feeling to Arthur.

“Tell me about your village.” He commanded. “How does one decide to study under the court physician? I’m sure Gaius has never had an apprentice before.”

If he recalled, he couldn’t say he knew of any other physician in or near Camelot. Maybe the women practicing were scarce. It certainly was a good thing to have another physician close by, he reasoned.

“My mother knew him when she was young. I think he’s a distant cousin or something.” Shrugged Merlin. “She trusted him with me, so that’s a good sign. My mother always told me I have a mind for reading so studying came naturally. Ealdor is at the border between Camelot and Essetir so we were able to trade books with the travelers.”

Merlin didn’t add anything more to that, he didn’t want to unravel any of his other talents, nor hint at them. He was quite content being an apprentice.

To Arthur the meal tasted better than it had in a long while. Or perhaps his mood was due to the company.


	4. Chapter 4

The next weeks flew by in a flurry of intense studying, chores, visiting patients, making medicines of various sorts and chattering with people in the village. Merlin began to feel more confident in practicing both magic and medicine, easily settling into a routine. It was kind of nice to settle in after being so nervous about going to Camelot in the first place. His friendly demeanor had made him a fast favorite in town and he found a friend in most people.

Until the calm was broken.

Gaius and he were attending another court meeting where it was decided that Arthur would be in charge of a high risk mission. Typical. He couldn’t very well go against what seemed to be an obviously magical creature, with only a handful knights. The risks were highlighted in the meeting and a few people tried to talk them out of sending Arthur, but he was the finest knight they had, and the responsibility fell to him. They were all confident that he would find and kill the creature with no problem.

And… Merlin was to come along.

Because someone suggested they bring a physician in case of injuries.

That had never been an option before because Gaius was always needed in the heart of Camelot and he was too old to undertake such journeys. Merlin had gotten a good reputation for being a hardworking apprentice and both his youth and his dedication made him an ideal connoisseur to bring on such outgoings.

Merlin could do little but cautiously agree. He had no training with a sword, but he was assured he would have to do no fighting. He was there surely in case of medical emergencies. Oh well. The wishes of his King was his law. Literally. While he was a bit nervous to take on the responsibility and actually leave Camelot with the knights and Arthur, he found the idea thrilling too. It showed he had gotten along fine with his studies but the trust put in him made him almost light headed with pressure. What if he couldn’t remember the most important bits when put under pressure? What if he just forgot everything he knew? What if-

His train of thought was interrupted because Arthur found it hilarious that Merlin had never been on a horse. It wasn’t that funny. Just because he was raised on horseback and knew how to handle the feisty animals.

When he had packed his saddle bag with emergency potions and some extra herbs just in case, he made it down to the stables. He waited cautiously before a stable boy suddenly came forward with a large horse. Merlin’s first instinct was to stay away from the moving legs and quicker teeth, but he found himself with a handful of reins and didn’t know what to do. He kind of held the horse was far away as possible and walked around with it so it didn’t get a chance to bite. He did manage to get up without help though. And if he used just a tiny teensy bit of magic to make sure he got on the tall horse that was his business. He was there at least.

And so they rode out. Arthur and Merlin and five other knights. He had only seen them in passing or on the training grounds when he had happened to have an errand to run nearby. If he happened to chat with Arthur on some of those days no one had mentioned it.

“We didn’t ride for pleasure in my village.” He huffed indignantly when he saw Arthur look at him. Just like he was waiting for something to happen. What a prick. “Farm horses have little temper and they are not. So. Feisty.”

Arthur laughed at him when his horse threw its head, making noises and generally being a nuisance. It was a war horse of course. What else could they possibly bring into what could be a battle?

“I can get you a pony to practice riding on, if you’d like?” he teased. “It might suit you better, being a beginner and all.”

Merlin tried to gather up the reins and take control of the horse, but the horse took this as a sign to start running forward. Merlin shouted in surprise and Arthur eased his horse forward in a gentle trot, the knights following.

“I think not.” Shouted Merlin over his shoulder. The riding was very bumpy and the horse was agile, ferocious, and certainly had a mind of his own. Before he managed to ride into one of the stalls at the market, he managed to break the horse’s pace and slowed down. He had no idea how he had managed that but he was glad nonetheless.

Arthur soon joined him. His horse carried him in an easy trot and listened eagerly. “In a hurry, are we?”

“This is not funny, Arthur. This horse is wild!” he exclaimed. The other knights glanced at each other silently when they heard him address their Prince without his title or any other courtesy. It just wasn’t done.

Arthur paid no mind to them.

“This horse is a finely bred war horse.” He pointed out. “You have to control him or you’ll find yourself in the woods all alone with a broken neck.”

“And here I thought the danger would be coming from the mission in itself, but no-“Merlin grunted as the horse started acting up again, but he held one rein hard and bent the horses head sideways. The horse went in a small circle but calmed down when he let go again. “-the horse is the real danger.”

“When we get outside the castle walls, all you have to do is follow me. Shorten your reins so you have a firm contact, but try not to jostle the bit too much. You will be fine.” Arthur said in an attempt to assure Merlin the horse itself was not the danger.

Merlin could feel the power in the horse though, and he knew he’d have little luck controlling it. He tried to resign himself to his fate and simply tried to hold on and not lose his balance, but his horse was not only a lively creature, but a daring one too. He felt a surge of panic deep in his chest and he tried to brace for the unknown. At no less than three stalls he tried to sneak an apple, carrot, or other tempting vegetables. The merchants were about to cuss him out but they balked at the presence of the Prince.

When they reached the gates Merlin felt another surge of fear, but also an unbridled joy of the unknown.

As promised, Arthur took the lead and broke into a gentle canter, trying to ease Merlin into following. Sadly, the horse misunderstood Merlin’s taut hold on the reins, and his high hands only forced the horse to trot with longer and more jostling steps than before. Sitting down was very difficult and he thought he would fall off at any second. Luckily the horse just ran straight ahead and didn’t break off on any side roads.

“Straighten up!” commanded Arthur as he looked behind himself. “You need to find your balance.”

Merlin did as instructed and when the horse fell into canter he understood where the allure of horsemanship came from. He held onto the mane of the horse and enjoyed the speed and strength of the horse. Lost for words he nodded a thanks to Arthur and focused entirely on keeping pace behind him.

They traveled for many hours with a few water breaks for them and the horses so when they finally broke camp Merlin was sore in places he had scarcely thought could ache, and his legs felt like jelly.

He tried not to let it show and when he got off the horse he took a moment to collect himself.

Arthur approached him after a moment of contemplation, teasing evident in his voice “At least you didn’t fall off, Merlin, although I have certainly seen better riders in my days.”

“One cannot be perfect at the first attempt, sire” he answered. Tiredness was seeping into his bones and he’d rather than anything just sit down on the ground for a few minutes. Or a few hours. But that was not a possibility.

Instead they unburdened the horses from their saddles and quickly brushed off the filth and sweat. Merlin’s horse seemed grateful for the attention, although he nipped at his arm a few times. Nothing too serious though. Merlin found that the animal was about as tired as he was and was in no mood to cause more trouble for him. He gave it a pat and left it to graze.

Some of the knights collected firewood and some others quickly hunted some wildlife for supper. Arthur kept Merlin’s company and walked beside him as he collected various edible mushrooms and other greenery they could add to the soup. Just eating meat with salt water was no one’s idea of a nice dinner.

When Merlin finally had an opportunity to sit down he felt as though he’d never take another step again. He told Arthur as much, to which he agreed in a friendly fashion. He explained that Merlin would have to join him regularly on patrols and he needed to build an endurance if he was to be useful.

“We’ll ride at least thrice weekly.” He decided. “And you will need some training with a sword too.”

Merlin looked at him as if he had lost his head. “When would I have time for that?” he protested, thoughts of his medicinal training and his other activities rushing through his mind. “My days are quite full as it is. I don’t think you realize how much Gaius has put me to work. I cannot shrike my duties.” He proclaimed adamantly.

“Surely an hour or two of your time, thrice weekly, cannot be an unreasonable request?” he tried to argue with Merlin. He really didn’t understand why he was being to pig-headed about this. Of course Merlin had to accept. Not only because his prince had said so, but it was a reasonable request. And as good an excuse as any to spend time with him. He’d rather he didn’t die if he could help it too, but that was unsaid.

“I can get by just fine.” Merlin protested. “It’s not like I am a knight or need to fight anyone else.”

“What if someone attacks? You’d have the ability to defend yourself.”

Merlin squirmed under the watchful gaze of the prince. He couldn’t name the actual reasoning behind his apprehension. The more time he spent with Arthur the higher the risk was that he found out about his magical tendencies. The easiest way to rid himself of attention was to simply avoid his presence, but he found that hard as it was. Especially since the prince was good company. Not that he’d ever admit to that. They had an easy companionship but they didn’t spend that much time with each other so it made him nervous.

“I don’t think the other knights like me very much.” He finally said. It was no lie, they truly didn’t know what to make of him. But he didn’t think they had any ill will toward him, especially since he was a physician in training. He couldn’t meet Arthur’s eyes. He felt shame creep up his cheeks, staining his pale face with a red tint. “And I won’t be able to compare to them in any way. They will humiliate me.”

Merlin felt that he was somewhat right in this. He truly had no desire to fall in the dirt to each and every person who would be tasked with sparring with him. And the knights could be loud and boisterous and Merlin couldn’t possibly see them gladly add him to their daily training regimes.

Saddened by this revelation Arthur steeled himself for yet another reason. The unsaid reason must be that Merlin felt uncomfortable sparring with him. That he made him feel small and pathetic. How else could he interpret this? Arthur was the best of the knights, a shining example of what a knight should be. Endorsed by his father and years of training.

“I would never do that to you.” he promised solemnly. “And if you truly feel that way you can train with someone else. But you will train.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait” said Merlin quickly “you thought about teaching me? Personally?” It was one thing to learn a move or two by an unwilling knight, but to be taught by the crown prince himself? That was a rare honor.

“Yes” said Arthur hesitantly “But I can see that my presence makes you uncomfortable. I shall not have you suffer any more.”

He made to get up and join the knights, but Merlin quickly grabbed his arm and stopped him. “What are you talking about?” he asked hurriedly. “Just because my talents lie elsewhere is no reason I cannot enjoy your company.”

“But you just said-“Arthur exclaimed.

“I might have exaggerated a bit.” Merlin explained quickly. “I’m sure it wouldn’t be too bad to learn defense. So long as you hold me to my standards and not the elite of the entire country. To begin with.”

He felt anxious as he waited for Arthur’s reply. He looked as though he contemplated many options but seemed to settle for a decision.

He grabbed onto Merlin’s wrist and pulled him up. His legs felt stiff and he felt himself sucking in air as he winced. It was his fault really, he should have stretched earlier.

“You’d better get to know the knights, then, Merlin. Since we will all be training together.”

Merlin merely nodded and resigned to his fate. How bad could it be, really? He got along with all the peasants just fine. He knew how to be courteous around nobility, Arthur being the exception, and he was generally likeable. He couldn’t help feeling a silver of trepidation as they sat down by the knights around the fire.

They greeted them cordially and Arthur slapped him strongly on his back and they sat down. Thankfully the food was just about done, so they didn’t have to come up with a conversational topic right away.

Merlin got his share of soup and thankfully started eating. It tasted a bit bland, but he knew the knights were not exactly culinary inclined. He had had much worse to eat in his time in Ealdor, and a lot less of it too. One more reason he was so skinny.

Arthur and the knights were striking up a conversation about the unobserved threat they were going to investigate. Some thought that the magical beast had been an exaggeration and some others were expecting the worst. Merlin had little reason to add to the conversation, even though Arthur clearly tried to include him. He just never saw much of an opening to join and he felt himself overthinking the occasional word he got in.

Arthur however grew more frustrated with Merlin. He tried to make the topics light and even discussed tomorrow’s plans. Merlin just sat silently, looking at anything but the knights, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but there.

This would not do.

“Leon, you have the most experience training new knights. What do you think the easiest way to learn is? I have never trained anyone who don’t know the basics, but I will make an exception for Merlin.”

Leon looked startled by the question. It certainly wasn’t a question one got every day. Especially not regarding a person who wasn’t nobility. He had also never seen Arthur bother with training someone who was not already a knight. He had no interest in squires who would give an arm or a leg to train with the crown prince, yet Merlin got the privilege.

“Sire?” he asked confused. “Why does he need training at all? You know the law, only noble blood can be knighted. He is already training to be a physician, what need does he have for a sword?”

The other knights looked curiously on as they waited for the answer. “He will not be knighted. I merely wish him to know which end of a sword is pointy and learn to defend himself. He is a physician, or will be, and he will come along on more journeys as this. What if we get ambushed? I’d rather he could defend himself than die unnecessarily. ”

The other knights tried to protest but they hadn’t known Arthur had already decided.

“When we get back to Camelot I will teach him the basics.” He told them, his voice allowing no objection. “For now we will rest.” The conversation was dead and Arthur tried not to beat himself up for it. He had hoped they would encourage Merlin with training tips but they just seemed more wary of him. Maybe he had misread the situation? What was it he couldn’t see? Did they not like Merlin or was it because he favored him a bit? He decided to think about this on the morrow, preferably with a clear head.

They fell asleep quickly and the snores rang softly through the night air. Leon had first watch, and after tossing and turning for about half an hour Merlin figured he would get no sleep until he could quiet his mind.

He rose silently and walked over to Leon, who looked at him warily.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you.” Said Merlin sheepishly. He did have a few things to discuss with Leon though. He was first knight and secondary only to Arthur.

“Not at all.” Said Leon curtly. “Do sit down if you plan on staying.”

Merlin thanked him and sat down, idly looking into the fire. The flames seemed to give him strength, and whatever caution he had regarding the knights flew out of his mind. He felt strangely empty and the need to share his thoughts was too strong.

“I can see how my presence has upset the order of things.” He admitted. “I just can’t see how to steer him from making plans on my behalf. It is easier to just go along with it.”

Leon looked affronted by the whole admission. “If you think I will sympathize with you you’re wrong.” He said bitingly. “We all know you lead him along, making him do everything you ask for.”

“What?” asked Merlin confused? “All I have done since arriving in Camelot is focusing on my training.”

“Please:” scoffed Leon lightly. “You disrespect him, insult him, and he doesn’t even punish you for it. If it had been anyone else they would have been punished in the dungeons, or even lost a finger or two. For your lip he might have cut out your tongue.”

“Don’t be absurd.” Merlin protested. “He would never do something like that. I know him.” Merlin had rarely seen him interact with other people though. Whenever he had a moment he always went to Merlin’s side right away.

“Not to you he wouldn’t.” declared Leon pensively. “It has happened for lesser offenses than you have committed though. Not by Arthur himself perhaps, but the King would not look kindly on such gestures.”

”Oh.” Said Merlin in a small voice. “I thought he was just a prat who had a good sense of humor. I did not know of any special treatment.” He stared idly into the golden flames and tried to piece together this new information. “To my defense he did put me in the stocks once.” Merlin paused and thought about the incident.

Softly Sir Leon added to the story. “After he followed you around town and helping you with your chores.”

Leon gave him a look that made him think about the encounters he had had with Arthur. They mostly teased each other… and Arthur kept him company while gathering herbs. And stopped him in corridors for a word here and there. They shared book tips sometimes too. And he never took his insults personally, even though he might verbally protest. They both knew they were said in jest though, so there was no problem, was there?

It was a problem.

Merlin came to a sudden realization. “Oh no.” he exclaimed feeling as he would rather sink into the earth than say the next words. “He likes me, doesn’t he?” That’s why…”

Merlin’s panicked face met Leon’s grim one, and that told him everything he needed to know.

“Nonononono, I did not plan this!” Merlin protested. You have to believe me.”

Leon looked at him suspiciously but seemed to yield. “So you’re not planning anything foul?”

“What, no? I’m a physician.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” asked Leon, baffled. He gestured to Merlin and shook his head in disapproval. “Surely you use his attentions to your advantage, now that you’re aware of them.”

“Does anyone else know?” Merlin asked pleadingly.

“I think everyone who has seen you two together has some idea.” Admitted Leon and sighed. “Everyone else is at a certain distance from him. But you… you’re just kind of there and he just goes along with it.”

“Would you believe me if I said I never noticed?”

“Well, he’s only like that with you around. It’s not difficult to see how that might have skewed your view.”

They sat in silence for a while. Leon added to the fire and the flames radiated a calm. Merlin’s head rang loudly with these new truths and he felt emotionally spent. He could not have thought this was what would happen when he moved to Camelot. He was just trying to get by and keep his head down. And now he had the attention of the crown prince. He was already scrutinized by the knights amongst others, but what if the king got word of Arthur’s affections. Did Arthur even know how he was behaving?

And what does Merlin even want. Arthur was admittedly pleasant to look at. He had a strong physique, good sense of humor… and when he smiled he looked like the sun.

Merlin grumbled and got back to his place at the fire, finally tired enough to fall asleep. He decided to shove away all thoughts of Arthur until further notice.

**Author's Note:**

> pls comment it gives me hope <3  
> love u for reading


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